Dark Past, Bright Future
by Shikoku Willow
Summary: Don't draw on you memories. At least not if they're as bad as mine. But those horrible memories are of the experiences that made me who I am today; Harry James Potter. I've been through some terrible stuff. But it's preparing me for greatness.
1. Chapter 1

(A/N): Okay, this is the first chapter of the first story that I've been really excited for in a LONG time!

Setting: 5th Book (probably going to go AU). Starts in an Occlumency lesson with Snape.

POV: Harry's (until I say otherwise)

Warnings: This is rated M for a reason. There will be explicit material as soon as the second chapter. This also contains SLASH, which is male/male action in great detail. Not for inappropriately-aged eyes! If this is not something that appeals to you, turn away now! Also, possible trigger!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or anything even remotely related to it. I own virtually nothing (besides this story, but what is that saying?)! If you want to read something that's actually written by the fabulous J.K. Rowling, I suggest looking in your local bookshop, not here!

If all is still good for you, read on!

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><p>"Stay out! Get out of my head!" I yelled fiercely. I picked myself roughly up off of the floor, dusting off my bruised knees. I straightened my back, and glared angrily into the cool eyes of my least favorite person in the world.<p>

"Patience, Potter," Snape said smoothly, an unreadable expression on his face. "Have you no control?" He raised an eyebrow at me challengingly.

"I've plenty control! It's just bloody difficult!" I growled at him, and immediately regretted it.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Potter, for vile language. I recommend you watch your tongue, and control your emotions. We will try again. Brace yourself," He said warningly, raising his wand to point at me.

I nodded sharply, lifting my own wand. I attempted to clear my head, to rid myself of the burning hatred for the man in front of me. I looked into his eyes, seeing the amusement lurking just under the surface of his cool expression.

My blood boiled at the smugness of that look. I tried in vain to rid myself of the emotion, but Snape had already cried out the incantation.

"_Legilimens!_"

The dungeon in front of me flickered, and the usual movie-reel of memories started in my head. This time, though, a new memory appeared. It was only a vague glimpse of a dark room with two barely-visible silhouettes. There were small, choked sounds of pain coming from the scene. The most remarkable part of the memory was the emotion that came with it. Fear, suffering, anger, horror, and sadness radiated from every aspect of it.

One of the people in the memory cried out, and the illusion shattered suddenly.

I was still screaming when I opened my eyes. I cut off the sound, jerking myself into a sitting position. I could feel my entire body shaking, and I took in an unsteady breath. I pushed a hand through my messy hair, and cautiously looked up at Snape.

He was eying me calculatingly.

"What was that, Potter?" He asked.

"N-nothing, sir," I looked down shamefacedly.

"I expect you not to lie to me. Now, I ask again. _What was that?_"

I paused.

"It was a memory, Professor."

He snorted, not amused.

"Another ten points for your insolence," he said coldly.

I looked back up into his eyes, silently begging for him to drop the matter.

He sighed.

"This lesson is over. I expect to see you next Monday-"

"Eight o'clock," I finished for him.

He curled his upper lip into a sneer. "Out of my office," He hissed, and jerked his head towards the door in dismissal.

I nodded fervently. "Yes, sir."

I rose from the ground and all but ran from the dungeon. My foot kept catching on the uneven stones of the dungeon staircases, but I pushed forward anyway. When I reached the entrance hall, I checked my watch nervously.

_Nine o'clock,_ I thought to myself wearily. I had to hurry to make it back to the dorms without being caught out past curfew.

I shut down my brain as I ascended the multiple staircases to Gryffindor tower. I let my feet follow the familiar path, and put all of my effort into keeping my mind away from dangerous areas.

When I finally reached the portrait hole, I felt pale and clammy, and I knew my hands were shaking. I managed to stutter out the password, and I stumbled into the common room. The fire was still roaring, and the room was a quarter full. People were milling about, finishing homework, or playing halfhearted games of Exploding Snap.

As soon as my eyes scanned the room for signs of Ron or Hermione, and came up empty, I set off for the staircase to the boys dormitories. Once in my room, I quickly kicked off my shoes, sitting heavily on my bed. I tore the hangings around my bed closed, hoping that I hadn't awoken Ron, Neville, or any of the other sleeping boys.

I yanked off my glasses, rubbing at them furiously with the hem of my shirt. I looked at the still-smudged lenses, giving up and simply dropping them off the side of my bed, where they clattered noisily to the ground. I cringed at the sound, mentally berrating myself for my carelessness. I waited with bated breath, hearing the breathing in the bed next to me stutter.

"Harry?" Ron asked groggily, and I groaned internally.

"Yeah, mate?" I asked, hoping to sound nonchalant.

"Lessons are done?"

"Er- yeah. Snape says it's all going well," I lied through my teeth.

He snorted. "Well that's something new with Snape. Didn't take off too many points, then?" Ron was starting to sound more and more awake. I cursed at myself.

"Nah, just the usual lot. I'm really beat, though. I was just about to go to bed..." I trailed off awkwardly.

Ron suddenly tore open the hangings of my four-poster.

"Bloody hell, who are you, and what have you done with Harry Potter?" He asked jokingly squinting at my face.

"I'm just really tired, Ron."

"To hell you're tired. What's wrong?" Ron sat on the edge of my bed. I prickled angrily.

"Nothing's wrong! Would you just let it rest? I'm tired! Now shove off and go to sleep!" I snapped at him, scowling at my red-haired friend.

His face displayed a very dopey look. I sighed, rubbing my eyes with my palms.

"Look, Ron. Sorry. I just... I'm really tired, and I've got a lot on my mind..."

"It's alright, mate," Ron said awkwardly, standing up. "I suppose I'll just leave you to it, then..." He started walking towards his bed, then turned over his shoulder to look at me. "Don't let Snape get to you. Whatever happened, it's nothing. You're Harry Potter. It's gonna be fine."

I nodded, just trying to get him to leave me alone. I closed my eyes, laying back, fully clothed, on top of my covers.

"It was nothing," I said, more to myself than Ron. I was trying to convince myself. But I knew that it wasn't true.

What had happened, in and of itself, was nothing. But what Snape made me remember was the darkest event in my past.

And that wasn't nothing.

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><p>(AN): Want to know what happens next? Tune in after a few days (or, better yet, press that fancy little 'follow story' button below!) I've already got most of the story figured out, so now I just need to actually write it out (which is by far the most difficult part)! Hope that you liked it! If you did (or, even if you didn't), press that beautiful little button below, and review! No flames, please, but constructive criticism IS welcome!

Review! VVV Review!


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N): Okay, I'm probably not going to continue with this story, because no one likes it. But I just randomly started writing this chapter, so I thought that it wouldn't hurt to post it.

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><p>When I awoke the next morning, I stared blankly at the bland ceiling for an hour, watching the light slowly filter into the room. I zoned out, staring at the dust motes swirling around the dormitory full of sleeping young wizards. After a considerable amount of time, I flipped onto my side, so that I was facing the wall through the hangings.<p>

I let a few small tears fall from my eyes as I thought more about the things that I'd been contemplating all throughout the night, through my sleep, and into the morning's musings. I realized all that I had to do in order to keep my façade going. To keep my mask in place, I had to make sacrifices.

I sat up suddenly, wiping roughly at my eyes. This was step number one.

I knew that there was _no way_ that I could let Snape see further into that memory than he already had. Or more of the memories that were similar to it. I had to do exactly what Snape had been commanding me to do all along.

I had to empty my mind of all emotion, leave a void, a lifeless shell behind. Okay, maybe that was taking it a bit far. But I wasn't going to wear my heart on my sleeves anymore. I was going to buckle down, and keep my emotions and memories in check. If I did that, then – in theory – I shouldn't have any trouble with my Occlumency any more.

I groaned and heaved myself out of bed. Judging by the angle of the sun into the room, it appeared to be an hour before the first morning lesson. Knowing that I should probably wake up the others, but having no real conviction to do so, I bustled about, getting myself dressed as noisily as possible. I banged closed the lid on my trunk, and Ron sat bolt-straight up in his bed.

"Spiders!" Ron cried out, his eyes bugging. I rolled my eyes at him, but said nothing.

Ron's shout had awakened the other boys, and they were rubbing their eyes and stretching comically. Ron looked around, swiveling to catch my eye. I let our eyes lock unwillingly for a moment, then pulled away with the same blank expression.

I tightened my tie – the last step to being dressed – and looked around the room.

"Er…" I said, awkwardly scratching the back of my head. "I'll just be going down to breakfast now…" With that, I turned stiffly, and exited the room. Once I'd shut the door, I bolted down the stairs, wanting to be out of the common room before any of my roommates were dressed, and might want to walk to breakfast with me.

At the foot of the stairs, I ran – quite literally – into a certain bushy-haired friend of mine.

"Harry!" Hermione said brightly, looking far too awake for the given time of morning. She was clutching her purring, ginger cat in her arms.

"Hermione," I responded unenthusiastically. "Sorry about… erm… that," I finished lamely, gesturing to the stairs.

"Oh, it's alright; I was about to go and wake you two up, anyway!" Hermione said cheerily, scratching a contented Crookshanks behind the ears. "I never got to see you last night after your…" she looked around the room, and – deeming it to be full enough to worry about eavesdroppers – whispered, "_private lesson_ with Snape," She eyed me meaningfully, as though I wouldn't understand what she was referring to.

"Yeah, it was…" I ran a hand through my already-messy hair. "It was alright. Snape reckons that I'm good for this week. Still wants me again next week, obviously."

Hermione beamed.

"See, Harry! I knew that you'd get the hang of it! Look at what happens when you apply yourself! I said, right from the st-" I cut Hermione off.

"Listen, Hermione, Ron and I…" I searched around for an excuse to depart _immediately_. "We… er… we got into a little argument last night. Nothing big," I added, seeing the worried look on Hermione's face. "Just some raised tempers. Even though it wasn't really much, I'd still really like to just go before he comes down."

"Oh, alright, then. As long as you're sure it's not serious?" She eyed me sternly, and I nodded. "Then I suppose you two will just work it out. Let's go, then," Hermione started to walk towards the portrait hole. Was it so impossible to go down to the Great Hall alone?

"Er, Hermione, why don't you wait for Ron? Or maybe even go up and urge him on; I wouldn't want him to be late," I winced at the false tone of my own excuse.

Hermione eyed me critically. Never one to push, and always one to see social cues, she nodded mutely. She could obviously tell – _finally_ – that I just wanted some alone time to think.

"Go ahead then, Harry," Hermione said, waving over to the portrait hole. "Ron and I will catch up with you – at the very least – before first lesson, okay?"

I nodded, and she watched me with thoughtful eyes as I departed through the portrait of the Fat Lady.

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><p>Hermione and Ron – as it turns out – never did catch up to me at breakfast. I'd made sure of that. I had run in just long enough to say a quick 'Hello' to the Weasley twins, and depart with a stack of toast. I then sat quietly behind a concealed tapestry that I knew would be private. If I sat at a certain angle, I was able to remain concealed, while still being able to see out of my hiding place.<p>

I nibbled halfheartedly on the edge of some toast, watching the students come and go intently. I watched with misty eyes as Cho and her curly-haired friend waltzed through the doors. I frowned slightly. I hated pretending to like Cho. Sure, she was pretty and nice and smart and funny and – wait, _why_ wasn't I attracted to her?

_You know why._

A small voice whispered in my ear. I was tempted to turn and look for Peeves, but I knew the voice to be the one of my own conscience. It actually sounded a surprisingly lot like Professor McGonagall.

_No, I don't know why, actually_.

I thought testily to myself, suddenly realizing that only the certifiably insane argued with themselves.

_And lose arguments with themselves._

The sharp voice pointed out in my head.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head slightly to rid myself of the tiring thoughts. When I opened my eyes again, I watched a group of Slytherins swaggering past. Unsurprisingly, at the head of the group was none other than Draco Malfoy. He spat something – probably some stupid remark about a mudblood – to his friends, and sneered along with them as they laughed.

I felt a deep hatred coursing through my chest. It was a big, hot feeling, like bubbling tar. Pure dislike is what that was. I mean… obviously. It was just our mutual loathing coming out. I hated him. He hated me. And _man_, did I hate him. That feeling that swooped through me was _definitely_ anger.

_Keep telling yourself that, Potter._

The McGonagall in my head was really going to get annoying.

The Slytherins passed by, and I watched as – a few minutes later – Ron and Hermione hurried past. Hermione was tugging Ron, muttering furiously about being late, and finding me, like she'd promised.

I let out a humorless chuckle. My friends were such idiots. I watched as Ron just watched her, expressionless. Whenever she'd look back at him, his eyes would snap to an attentive look, and he'd just apologize again for being late. It seemed to placate her.

Five minutes after the pair entered, they exited. They stood in the entrance hall for a moment. Ron's mouth was still full of kippers and eggs, and Hermione was looking around anxiously for me – not that she would be able to find me. Ron was spluttering complaints about not finishing breakfast when Hermione smacked him over the head.

"We'll be late, Ron! And we didn't see Harry! Now I feel bad; I told him that we'd meet him here!"

"Oi, relax, woman!" Ron muttered, rubbing his head. "Harry probably just went to breakfast and then went straight to Potions!" Hermione didn't look convinced. "And he was bloody lucky to avoid eating – or really, _not eating_ – with you," Ron mumbled, too quiet for Hermione to hear. I could hear, as they were standing right in front of me.

Hermione looked at her watch, let out a _very_ rare swear, and grabbed Ron by the sleeve again.

"C'mon. You're probably right. Harry's probably there. We'll see him there. And, besides, we really need to go!" She tugged harshly, and they set off down the dungeon steps.

Copying Hermione's movements, I looked down at my watch. I really would have to go immediately if I didn't want to be late to Snape's class – and, trust me, I _didn't_. I stood, brushing myself off, and setting off at a quick pace for the dungeons.

When I reached Snape's classroom, I opened the door to find the rest of the class already seated.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Potter," Snape sneered. I looked at him for a moment, trying to decide whether I wanted to curse him or myself for being so stupid. He raised an eyebrow at me challengingly. "And, if you don't take a seat this instant, it will be a detention, too."

I quickly moved forward to sit down in the only seat left open – the one right next to Draco Malfoy.

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><p>(AN): If you want me to continue, tell me so. Otherwise, I'm giving up


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